Scene: The seat behind me. Back of the bus. Morning.
GANGSTA: [Gets on bus]
IMPULSIVE TALKER: Hey, are those diamonds? [Points at GANGSTA’s earrings, half carat Dollar Tree studs that sparkle like an oil-covered baby seal]
IMPULSIVE TALKER: [A little louder] Hey, are those diamonds?! Hey! Are – those – diamonds???!
GANGSTA: Why you wanna’ know, foo? Huh?
IMPULSIVE TALKER: Geez, I was just asking. You don’t have to be an ass.
GANGSTA: Ey, I don’t needa’ take that sh*t from you. I don’t need to take that kind of sh*t from you, b*tch.
OTHER PASSENGER: She was just asking a question.
GANGSTA: Shut up, man. Why don’t you mind your own business?
IMPULSIVE TALKER: [scoffs] Don’t be rude! I’m telling on you. [Gets up and walks toward the front of the bus]
GANGSTA: You need to grow up, b*tch! [Mutters in Spanish]
ME: [Thinking] Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.
IMPULSIVE TALKER: [To bus driver] The man back there is using bad language. He’s being rude. I mean RUDE.
DRIVER: [sighs, wondering why he has this job, oh yeah, because job position on the Magic School Bus was already taken] I’ll talk to him.
IMPULSIVE TALKER: [Struts back triumphantly] I told on you.
GANGSTA: You need to learn how to grow up. [Mutters in Spanish again]
ME: [Thinking] Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Unfortunately, no physical fighting occurs. Darn. Although I think I could hear the daggers flying through the air from IMPULSIVE TALKER’s eyes for the rest of the bus ride.