How Not To Party On St. Paddy’s Day

A non-guide to partying on St. Patrick’s Day for the young adult.

  1. Get alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
  2. Get more alcohol.
  3. Buy St. Patrick’s Day decorations from the local Dollar Tree and plaster your house with them. [Alternative: Give your neighbor’s kid a can of green spray paint and $20 and tell him/her to spray the living crap out of your house. This may require premature consumption of alcohol before asking.]
  4. Clear your living room (or whichever room has the TV or movie-watching device). And by “clear,” I mean “shove all furniture to the sides of the room for an unobstructed view of the TV or movie-watching device. You don’t want to break anything. (If you’ve already consumed alcohol as per the alternative step #3, you might have already broken some things).
  5. Put in the movie Groundhog Day because screw St. Patrick’s Day.
  6. Commence Groundhog Day drinking game: drink a shot whenever Phil acts like an asshole, whenever “I Got You Babe” plays, whenever someone says “groundhog”, whenever a new day begins, whenever Phil fails to woo Rita, whenever Phil asks a question, whenever Phil tries to kill himself, and whenever you laugh.
  7. Amend the drinking game: drink whenever the hell you feel like it.
  8. If you haven’t vomited, cried, broken anything, or passed out by the end of the movie, try doing Gangnam Style in the middle of your room.
  9. Black out.
  10. Wake up on [select one: your lawn, your bed, a hospital bed, your neighbor’s lawn, a jail cot].
  11. Smile big. Plan on doing the same thing next year. And maybe invite a friend or two next time.

This has been a non-guide to partying on St. Patrick’s Day for the young adult sponsored by that awesome hangover you’ll have on March 18th. Top o’ the mornin’ to ya and Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

[Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any stupidity that may arise from this post. But if you do do something stupid, feel free to share it in the comments and tell us all about it.]