I Regretfully Regret: An Introduction

Remember that one time? Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about. That one time where you did the stuff that led to the thing with that one person – yep, the person with the hair and the teeth and the other distinguishing features? Dude, that was gnarly sick.

Introducing a new weekly segment called “I Regretfully Regret,” where yours truly divulges in one thing she regrets that week. Sounds exciting, eh? “Wait!” she says, flashing an OxiCleaned Billy Mays smile. “There’s more!” Move aside, Mr. Cockeyed ShamWow Guy.

This is going to be an experiment. Here on the wonderful world wide web, millions upon millions of people from all over the world are able to link in to their Internet-capable devices and explore and share in a mind-blowing plethora of information. The Internet is not an Information Highway; it’s an Information Orgy. If you’re reading this, you are a part of it. Giver, Receiver – it doesn’t matter what your role is. You are a part of it. And you should be proud. The mighty sophisticated Greeks and Romans of ancient times loved themselves a good orgy, so why shouldn’t you?

But I’m being misleading.

Let’s take all that sexually metaphorical language out and start anew.

Join me. Be the Clarice Starling to my Hannibal Lecter. I tell you something and you tell me something. Quid pro quo. [All right, admittedly not a much better parallel, but if you’ve read this far you’re probably a special brand of brilliantly weird yourself. High five.] 

But through this whole mess all I want is to create a spot where whoever stumbles across an “I Regretfully Regret” post can share with me – and everyone else who reads – something they regret. It can be as personal or as vague as you want – doesn’t matter.

Just share. Because sharing is caring and caring is… something nice with rainbows and chocolate or whatever.

You can post about it in the comments or you can send them to me. I swear I’m an honest-to-goodness honest and good person and am not trying to create some sort of blackmailing scam. No, don’t send me your full name and social security number – I ain’t promising you a million dollars from some Nigerian prince. Send me your Regretful Regret and I’ll post it here. Sound fun? Trust me, I’ll make it worth your time and effort.

As I said up top, this is an experiment and with any hope, it’ll evolve for the better.

Without further ado, here is my first Regretful Regret:

“I regretfully regret not being more social. Being a social moron sucks. Being an emotional moron sucks worse, but that’s a topic for another time. Friends – or people I have ignored and must now call ‘previous acquaintances’ – I’m sorry for being a moron and not adding a smiley at the end of my snarky texts. Sarcasm does not translate well in digital 2-D. I realize that now. I really didn’t mean it when I said ‘your mother’s a $2 whore.’ I’m sure your mother is a wonderful, wholesome woman with a respectable form of daytime income. Sorry.”

Don’t leave me hangin’ here. Add your own in the comments (or you can e-mail them to me at stressingoutcollege@gmail.com and I can share them so that you don’t directly have to). “I regretfully regret…”

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17 thoughts on “I Regretfully Regret: An Introduction

  1. Pingback: I Regretfully Regret: Cramming for Physics | Stressing Out College

  2. Well, I regret being a bad socialite, but everyone’s taken that already, so…

    I regretfully regret not having the time to read more blogs and be a bigger part of the WordPress community. I feel a little guilty hoping people take time out of their day to read my blog when I can barely keep up with just a few myself. When this semester is over, I’m gonna make a serious effort to be more active and involved on here.

    For now I will continue regretfully regretting.

    • Hey, life comes first. As fun and engaging the WordPress community is, it’s not as important as the tangible people and events in your real life. So don’t worry about that right now. At least you feel sorry and don’t feel ultra-entitled to one-way viewership.

      Don’t continue regretting. Thanks for sharing. I absolve you of your regret. *ta da*

  3. I regret balancing my ex-girlfriends bank account with a substanstial deposit; she left six months later for a a bigger Balance. I absolutely regretfully regret refusing Graf Bernadotte’s offer to make me a famous singer, because the bottle of poppers he offered me scared the hell out of me: poppers was seen as a gay drug back then and I was mistakebly terrified of ‘the gay.’

    • Damn. Confession: reminds me of that Cee Lo Green song “Forget You” (or the uncensored “Fuck You,” excuse my French). I don’t know who Bernadotte is/was, but I’m thinking avoiding those poppers was a good idea. Might’ve messed you up. Never know.

      Thank you for sharing. I absolve you of your regret. *mystical music*

  4. I regret being socially awkward. This has kept me from getting to know better (in a non-biblical sense, though in that sense would be cool too) the women I have worked with and others I’ve had lots of classes with. Such is the price for being brainy and not-terribly charismatic.

    • Man, social awkwardness is definitely a big one. I hear ya, Anthony. Chin up though – it ain’t too late to start creating work-arounds to help you get to know more of these women you’re with (biblically or not).

      Thanks for dropping by and sharing. I absolve you of your regret. *insert Latin-y phrase here*

  5. I’m sort of regretting not keeping in touch with a friend who recently graduated; however, it’s hard to say it is a true regret as I am not sure I can actively keep up with such a negative, sarcastic person. I should have tried maybe. Maybe.

  6. http://froodianpseudoanalysis.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/ich-liebe-gern-das-liebster-award/

    Hello! I gone done an’ nominated you for a thing called a Liebster Award, which is apparently the internet version of one of those chain letter things.

    If you accept, here are the rules:

    The Rules

    1. The Liebster Award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
    2. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
    3. Each blogger should answer the 11 questions given to you.
    4. Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
    5. Create 11 new questions for the chosen bloggers.
    6. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
    7. No tag backs.

    I didn’t make the rules.

  7. This is such a cool idea! I hope it’s a huge success, it sounds like it will be a heap of fun!

    In that spirit, here’s mine…

    I regretfully regret being too socially awkward to participate in The Corporate Morning Tea.
    My inability to speak to anyone I didn’t know really well forced me to wait at my desk until the crowd, and the food, had thinned to all but the least enjoyed items/people.
    That’s when my kind would invisibly make their way from their desks to the leftovers and cautiously fill their tiny plates, constantly paranoid that someone, anyone would be judging the amount they had taken. Someone would have been – someone always was.

    On the boardroom table, a tray would hold Apricot danishes, surrounded by the fruitblood spatters of the already-eaten danishes made up of the tastier berries; namely, blue and straw. A collection of crumb-littered dishes would lead to a plate of dry, overcooked mini-quiches beside a bowl of cocktail frankfurts, floating in pink hotdog water.

    … and this poor fare was all I had access to without stepping into that Corporate Abyss of plastic personalities, office gossip and coffee that you “did”, instead of “had”.

    I regretfully regret maintaining my integrity. It may have preserved my soul, but it cost me a whole bunch of those mini bagels with salmon, marscapone and dill on them.

    • “The Corporate Morning Tea” sounds rather scary – simply by the name itself! To be honest, as high as I regard integrity, I most certainly understand the draw of yummy food. *shudder* On second thought, avoiding the Corporate Abyss actually sounds well worth it.

      Thank you very much for sharing that. I absolve you of your regret. *magical sound effects*

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