They May Take Our Lives, But They’ll Never Take… OUR FRE-E-E-E-E-DOM!


Goodbye, Finals- Hello, Summer!

Dear Loverly Readers,

To take a break from the academic world, I will be gone on a trip for approximately three weeks. In that time, it is unlikely I’ll be posting much – if at all. (I’ll be too busy making very responsible decisions with equally responsible comrades).

So for now, I say “toodle-oo” and enjoy your summer break, fellow students! And to the rest of you, you non-students, do not fret for my absence will be but a blip in your wonderful/mundane/wonderfully-mundane lives.

If I were less distracted by the prospect of exciting adventures, I’d be more creative in writing this post. But for now-

I got nothin’.

With dearest, unironic regards,

-SOS

For old time’s sake, care to share what your summer’s going to look like? Spelunking in the caves of Peru? Catching up on Game of Thrones? Share!

“Homosexuality is a sin!” And Other Words of Crazy Bible Thumpers

When the sun comes out in full display, the crazies come out and want to play.

The university I go to is smack dab in the center of the largest city in the state. This city has a reputation of being eccentric, liberal, and full of hippies and hipsters alike. About 29,000 people attend this school and thousands of students pass through the heart of campus, the Park Blocks, everyday.

Bring on the Bible thumpers.

“Homosexuality is a sin!”

All right, pretty tame by Jesus freak standards. Heard this before. Next.

“All sinners are going to Hell.”

Yawn. Yeah, yeah, we know. Anything else?

“Depression is the accumulation of your sins.”

Which inspired this reply from a student: “No, f#ckhead, it’s biological.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Time to grab some lunch and watch the rest of the show.

Proselytizers love standing on the benches in the Park Blocks to spout the mighty word of God – or their superior interpretation of it at least. It never fails to draw a crowd – and oh what a crowd we have today. Let the monkey show begin.

Most times, these people are harmless and easy to ignore. They just stand around shouting to the air and whomever is bored or mildly interested enough to listen. Sometimes, there are multiple people, however and they carry large signs with bold letters that read: “God hates fags.” The leader will hold up a microphone to his religiously fouled mouth and preach what amounts to nothing more than bigoted hate speech.

Bible Thumper hate speech

Where’s the love? Whatever happened to God loving everyone? [Insert Carlin rant here]

These people in all their ignorance and spite are actually quite fascinating. I would love to catch a specimen and do some prodding tests to get to the bottom of what the hell they are and why the hell they do what they do.

Fortunately, those crazies with the signs haven’t been around recently. This day, it was just two guys, who traded shifts every couple of hours or so. I didn’t get to hear the rest of the first guy’s preaching as I was on my way to meet up with a friend, but I got to pass back by a little while later. The young guy had turned into a post-middle aged man.

The day was winding down, so there weren’t nearly as many people on campus and hanging out in the Park Blocks. The man still had a small audience in a semicircle in front of him, though. After buying a Coke, I joined the audience, picking a spot off to the side. From where I was positioned, I could only hear his louder proclamations. His mellower responses to the people directly in front of him were out of ear shot.

From what I could make out, he was talking about sex (ooo, scandalous). And based on the reactions of the people around him, it was the sexist, “religious purity” crap. Something to do with girls staying virgins until marriage. Dude, it’s a bit late to spread that message to a crowd of youngish liberal college students.

His speechifying then gravitated toward the reproductive organs.

“There is a flap of skin between the legs of a man called the scrotum.”

Man in crowd: “TESTICLES!”

Laughter.

“What is the female equivalent of the testicles?”

Woman in crowd: “Ovaries!”

No bother masking the sardonicism. “I’m a health major. Thank God for fifth grade sex ed!”

And so this went on for some time longer. I don’t really know why he was giving us an anatomy lesson.  Something more about virginal girls, unclean sinful sex, his wife blah blah blah. And something to do with heterosexual coitus being the only God-ordained type of coitus. He made the cliched “the only purpose of sex is to reproduce” and that is why homosexual sex is bad bad bad. Another sexist comment.

Man in crowd: “And what about women who can’t have children? And women going through menopause?”

Your rational reasoning is wasted, sir. What’s the point? Preacher Man ain’t going to have his mind changed. I wonder how many minds Preacher Man has changed? I doubt he changed anyone’s perspective on our campus that day (but who knows, maybe he did. Probably not.)

As I was reaching the end of my bottle of Coke and attention span, I heard music a few dozen yards down the Park Blocks. It was the university acapella group. How refreshing. Some attention diverted from the hate and ignorance being squawked by the religious nut. Something positive and less tiresome to counteract the sex organ-obsessed Bible thumper.

I debated whether to stay with the Jesus freak or go to listen to the acapella group. The debate was a short one.

Just as I joined the small group of people enjoying the musical entertainment, the acapella group started whooping and cheering and setting off poppers. Back at the Bible thumper crowd, people started cheering and clapping, too.

It took me a moment to see why. A woman had her arms wrapped tightly around a man in a suit and they both looked ecstatic. They kiss. And hug. And kiss again. I’m not much a romantic sentimentalist *cough*yeahright*cough*, but the scene just tugged at my heart strings. The man gave the acapella group a Chesire cat grin and two big thumbs up. The newly engaged woman turns to see familiar faces, “omg, you’re here, and you’re here, too” etc, etc. She shows off the ring with a Chesire cat grin of her own.

Not bad. Finally, a message of love.

Now here’s George Carlin with a special message:

Thoughts on these type of folks? Have you had any run-ins with Bible thumpers?

Mr. DeMille, I’m Ready for My Close-up [Goddammit, Not That Close]

It’s week 9 here of spring term. Just two weeks from finals. And like all my fellow college students at the end of their rope, I’m… well, at the end of my rope.

Yep, all creativity has been sucked from my little Asian soul. [I have no idea what being Asian has to do with my soul.]

Anywho, because I’m lazy and feeling uncreative, but have the urge to write and come back to you, my lovely lovely readers – and not to mention, I need some kind of pick-me-up that doesn’t involve caffeine or re-runs of Parks and Recreation – this has become a run-on sentence.

Awards! People like me! Yippee, my existence has been validated!

Over the past couple months, I’ve been nominated for a few different awards. Not wanting to annoyingly post about each one of them separately, I decided to bundle them up into one awesome post [a.k.a. This post]. All right, let’s all crack our knuckles and limber up for some major self-indulgence (in the new technicolor chronological order)!

First up is the beautiful and talented Si02, who bestowed upon me the Versatile Blogger Award. And recently, the Cabbage Patch rocker plainawkwardgirl decided I was versatile as well.

Nextly is the mentally scintillating DrFrood with the Liebster Award. [Say it in an uber-exaggerated German-ish accent: “Das Leeebshtuh Avort”.]

Award numero tres is from the delightfully awkward blogger Project Southsea with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Who knew 500 mg doses of sarcasm and a daily cup of stress could be so inspiring?

And lastly, oh-so-not-leastly is the supersaccharine misssamanthajill with – here’s a cute one – The Super Sweet Blogger Award. It’s amazing how supportive bloggers can be of their blogging community. I’ve never been sweet in my life. If you mean I’m like, totally sweet, dude brah, you’d probably be more accurate. Not that I’m criticizing your judgment of my character. I totes appreciate this.

Here are the rules for each one:

Versatile Blogger Award

Versatile Blogger Award Logo

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

Liebster Award

Liebster Award Logo

1. The Liebster Award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
2. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
3. Each blogger should answer the 11 questions given to you.
4. Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
5. Create 11 new questions for the chosen bloggers.
6. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
7. No tag backs.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

1. Display the award logo.
2. Link back to the person who gave you this award nomination.
3. State seven pieces of information about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers, post links to their page and drop them a comment to let them know.

Super Sweet Blogger Award

Super Sweet Blogger Award Logo

1. Thank the Super Sweet Blogger that nominated them
2. Answer five super sweet questions and five of your own
3. Include the Super Sweet Blogging award image in your blog post
4. Nominate a baker’s dozen (13) other bloggers
5. Notify your nominees on their blog

Now that we’ve gotten the crapload of different rules down, let’s get to the nitty gritty. Since, as I’ve told you before, I’m lazy and not out of my mind (yet), I’m not going to be state a bajillion things about myself nor am I going to nominate a bajillion people. Five each, that’s all I have energy and the attention span for.

Nominees (in no particular order):

To the nominees, pick any award you’d like. You deserve any and all of them. Pick one and pass it on according to the rules. I don’t mind which one you pick, just join in the fun and give it to your fellow awesome bloggers. Or don’t. It’s all the same to me. Hey, and if you’re passing by this post and feel like picking up an award – because you, too, deserve it – feel free to snatch one. I’m not the awards police. It doesn’t matter. Grab an award, follow the instructions, and pass it on! (Or don’t. It’s all the same to me.)

5 Things You Didn’t Know You Wanted to Know About S.O.S.

  1. I have a cat named Cat-Cat.
  2. My pinkie toes are a little funny. As in they’re little and funny.
  3. I like striped shirts. And cardigan sweaters. Professorial hipster coming through. [Edit: Wait, what the eff do striped shirts have to do with being hipster? Whatever, too tired to change it.]
  4. I know all the lyrics from the musical The Phantom of the Opera. [Not really, just the main numbers].
  5. Because I have a flat Asian nose, I can do this thing where I can block air coming into my nose by upturning my upper lip. It’s hella attractive, yo. [Really though, it’s super helpful when swimming and not getting water all up in my nostrils.]

Oh, and I Guess I Have To Ask Questions, Too

  1. Paper or plastic?
  2. Hobbes or Rousseau?
  3. What’s the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  4. To Snuggie or not to Snuggie?
  5. And, er… what’s your favorite day of the year?

And that’s a wrap! Thanks again to the wonderful bloggers who nominated me for these awards – it truly warms my heart to know that there are those out there who do like this blog. Check out all the bloggers linked in this post. They’re sweet, inspiring, versatile, and liebster-ly. And you there Dear Reader, take one, pass it on – it’s as easy as one, dos, trois!