Scrap Paper Poetry #9: Final Final Finally Finished

Scrap Paper Poetry #9 | Stressing Out College

Final final finally finished:
My mind is numb, all brain waves diminished.
But the year is over and I can easily breathe;
Summer is here, a much needed reprieve.
For the next three months, I’m as free as a bird
And I won’t have to be forced to etch another word
Of a god awful essay or droll presentation,
I can start on my packing for summer vacation.
My hairs are a little grayer
And I’m now relying on Bayer,
But exams have been vanquished-
Final final finally finished.


Well, another year has come to a close and another summer has approacheth’d. I don’t need any excuses for my fauxetry. My brain might now be a charred lump of coal after this past harrowing year, but that ain’t gonna stop me from trying to have a kick ass summer vacation. Fellow stressed out students – rejoice! 

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Scrap Paper Poetry #8: Rime of the Alumni Caller

Scrap Paper Poetry #8 | Stressing Out College

Hello! my name is – do you have the time
to listen to a caller’s rhyme?

Night after night, machine after machine,
a voicemail greeting most obscene,
rejection here, a hang up there,
suppressed frustrations everywhere.

“Match that gift-” the managers cry,
while we ask alumni to buy, buy, buy
the security of students future, present, and past
to ensure our beloved school will last-

Oh please! Don’t go! I’ve just begun!
And there goes yet another one.
With every single angry click,
I follow the clock, each sluggish tick.
The second hand is my dearest friend,
the one who leads to me each shift’s end.

Hello! my name is – do you have the time
to listen to a caller’s rhyme?


Dedicated to my fellow call center workers, especially those at university telefunds. A half-assed poem is all the condolence I can offer. Whatever pays the bills.

Scrap Paper Poetry #7: The Studying Dead

Scrap Paper Poetry #7
The students crawl in,
The students crawl out
They stalk the library
And lug about
Their arm-and-leg textbooks
And coffee stained pages
With eyes lacking luster-
They haven’t slept in ages.
It’s Dead Week – Beware
For the dead shall walk
Through dorm rooms, cafes,
And each campus block.
We hunger for brains
And will never rest
Until judgment day:
That sweet final test.


And holy balls- did you watch The Walking Dead? Good reminder of the benefits of staying ahead ((badum tss)). Good luck with finals, fellow students! And to all else, good luck with… life!

Scrap Paper Poetry #6: And Now For Something Completely Different

Scrap Paper Poetry #6
Here’s a poetic interlude,
It’s only six lines long.
If I get past this third line,
The poem’s halfway gone.
Now, keep the rhythm at pleasant pace,
Push past the cresting tide…
Oh. This is line seven. I lied.


Because these crappy poems are easier to write than proper blog posts. Good day.

…The larch.

Scrap Paper Poetry #5: Boredom, Lecture, Oh- It’s Halloween

Is it Halloween?
The calendar says it’s so –
October 31st, let’s give a poem a go:
No, I think I’d rather not;
Validity and logic forms have turned my brain to rot.
If you’re looking for effort here,
I’m sorry to disappoint.
So go outside and fool around or fire up a joint.
What I really wanted to say, I guess, in a way not too obscene,
Is go fudge yourself
And have a Happy Halloween