mumps

As part of preparing for entry into college this fall, college-bound suckers (like me) have to fill out a freight-load of paperwork (maybe I exaggerate) to sift through/fill out/send, such as Intent to Enroll forms, transcripts, housing contracts, test scores, financial aid, etc.

Oh, and how could I forget? The MMR Proof of Vaccination form. That’s where I’m currently at on my “New Student Checklist” provided to me by my university of choice. MMR: Measles, Mumps and Rubella. If you live in the 21st century and/or have been to public school and haven’t been under a rock, where you forage and hunt for food in the wilderness, then you probably have recieved this vaccination at least once.

A quick description of MMR by my good buddy Dr. WebMD:

Measles, mumps, and rubella are viral diseases. All have the potential to be very serious.

Measles is characterized by fever, cough, runny nose, conjunctivitis (pinkeye), and a red, pinpoint rash that starts on the face and spreads to the rest of the body. If the measles virus infects the lungs, it can cause pneumonia. Some older children infected with the virus suffer from encephalitis (inflammation of the brain), which can cause seizures and permanent brain damage.

The mumps virus usually causes swelling in the salivary or parotid glands… giving the appearance of chipmunk cheeks. In men, mumps can infect the testicles, which can lead to infertility.

[R]ubella infection causes a mild rash on the face, swelling of glands behind the ears, and in some cases swelling of the small joints and a low-grade fever. Most children recover quickly from rubella with no lasting effects.
(Measles, Mumps, and Rubella (MMR) Vaccine, WebMD)

Yikes.

Well, thank goodness I have that all squared away-

What? Oh, you mean I haven’t submitted my Proof of Vaccination form yet? Wha- Oh yeah.

I have to fill out the form. Oh wait, I need to check my dates of vaccination on my health record. Oh wait, I have to access my health record online. Oh wait, I have to wait for them to send me my user password so that I can access my record (3 – 7 business days). So… I wait. And wait. And wait, while my limbic system is slowly eating itself because of the overactive imagination going on in the silly cerebral cortex:

“What if the password doesn’t get here on time? What will the university do if I don’t have the form? They’ll kick me out. Then I’ll have wasted $200 on a non-refundable deposit. My parents will whip me with a coat hanger. I’ll end up alone without a college education flipping burgers at the Krusty Crab… This form is stupid.”

But really, I don’t think the form is stupid. Honest. It’s good that we need to submit this. Did you read the symptoms up there? “Fever,” “conjunctivitis,” “pneumonia,” “swelling,” “testicles.” That is some serious stuff. In college, I have enough to worry about without having to surround myself in a bubble to prevent from getting pinpoint rashes all over my body.

Not Shown: Rashes in Sensitive Areas

I don’t want to be sitting in “Pestilence and Plagues in History” class while fighting off pestilence with Joe Measles on my left and the plague with Bobby Rubella on my right. Go away, sick people. Or go sit next to Suzy Know-It-All and get her sick. But not me. Stay away from moi and my less-than-superhuman immune system.