The Vacation Hangover: Why Short Academic Breaks Suck

Spring Break is the worst. No sooner do you strip into your beach clothes and fling your nubile body into a sea of bad choices than you find yourself (no worse for wear, of course) stranded back in the Land of Higher Learnedness. Fan-freakin-tastic.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – as long as you’re thinking what I’m hypothetically thinking, which is probably likely if you frequently think in Oscar Wilde quotes and dirty limericks –

“Yet another display of the ingratitude of our lazy, worthless youth. Higher education is a privilege! It is only possible for you to experience this opportunity of enlightenment because of the work of my back-breaking generation, young whipper snapper. In my dinosaur-wrangling days, we didn’t even have a spring break! And the only purpose of summer break was so that we could earn our dues working in the fields. You and the rest of you worthless ingrates don’t deserve a break from all the ‘work’ you do flushing your education money down the bloomin’ toilet.”

Yes, I hear ya verbatim.

The technically 9 days of break that we get is not enough for us to relax. It’s like telling us we can sleep in and then waking us up in the middle of REM sleep. This does not a motivated student make.

I got 99 problems and yep, short breaks from school are one of them. Why do we even bother with a few days interrupting the academic year? I’m not quite sure how semesters do it – does spring break split up your semester? With quarters/trimesters, spring break marks the end of the winter term and the beginning of the spring term. Even then, spring break is more of an unsatisfying tease than some long romance. Darn those Bacchus-worshiping Greeks and Colgate University swim jocks. Spring break isn’t freedom. It’s our 30 minute recess before we shuffle back to our cells. According to a comment on this article, all spring break is now “is a bunch of immature, drunken, TOO sexually active teens, and of course rapist on the side line just awaiting another drunk girl to attack.”

Spring Break Drunk at the Beach

Not pictured: Predatory man awaiting anything (expect aspirin)

What has this world come to? Tsk, tsk. O the moral fiber of our country ruined by this one week of bad decisions and illusory freedom. Ha! And for many, it’s just a week of sitting in front of the TV/computer catching up on episodes of Parks and Recreation and re-enacting the days of the freshman 15. And some people are vying for another miniscule breakduring the fall! Do these fools not understand? Do they not see the economy of it? What is better – mini-breaks throughout the year or one lo-o-o-o-ong break over the course of the summer? Either that or give us summer-equivalent breaks throughout the year. Yes, someone get on this now. No more one-weekers – that’s communist crap. Give us three months of breaks at a time! That way, we’ll be refreshed and completely slated clean for those soul-sucking faculty members to try to actually learn us some good edjumacation.

It’s so crazy it just might work. Maybe.

How was your spring break? Feeling refreshed and raring to get back to the daily academic grind? Got any good spring break/vacation stories? (Don’t worry, your shenanigans can’t possibly be traced back to you). 

Keep calm and read on:

Falling Off the Face of the Earth

Dear Whomever Stumbles Across This,

For the next week, this stressed out student is taking something of an educational vacation.

Because of that, I won’t be able to update this wondiferously amazing site in real time. Therefore, I’ve scheduled some rad posts to come out Monday through Friday this coming week of spring break. Some of you students are on break; some have already been on break; some have yet to taste that spring freedom. To all of you, I say keep calm and study on (and don’t forget to procrastinate).

Because I’m no Dan Brown and I’m too lazy to be fun and make up a series of riddles or a textual scavenger hunt for this week, so you’re just going to have to settle with some old news dribble. I promise not to have too much fun without you folks because you know I love ya (except for that one guy, yeah, you know who you are). I also promise to make healthy, responsible, and all-around angelic choices this week unlike my fellow girls-gone-wild-esque peers (and you too, Jersey Shore fellas). 

So with a tip of my imaginary hat, I bid you folks a temporary adieu and enjoy yourself. Just enjoy yourself.

With non-sarcastic love,


Dammit, It’s March

February’s a mofo, coming up short year after year before making off with your precious time – without even the courtesy of warning you that March is coming. And then every four years February makes a half-assed attempt at commitment by sticking around for one more measly day. Pshaw. February, you suck.

March. It’s the month where we raise awareness to colorectal cancer, celebrate Dr. Seuss’s birthday by reading to kids, and give the Irish and non-Irish alike a pseudo-legitimate reason to get wasted and pinch people. Also, for those of us in the confines of the lovely higher education institution, it means Spring Break is coming. Time to make innocent and responsible choices.

Spring Break

Pictured: Belly button CPR (and possibly initial stages of regret)

However, before us lucky students get to embark on our wild Sprink Break adventures – whether it’s on a Girl’s Gone Wild video in a swimsuit in Miami or in a snuggie in your living room – we still have to traverse those pesky tasks called Finals. Let us all heave a collective sigh and grimace. It feels like midterms were just yesterday. Finals create a vacuum.

So hang in there, fellow student folk. We’re almost there. And for those of you who don’t have to deal with finals – well, aren’t you special. (Excuse the bitter sarcasm; I still love you).

(And I still love you, too, February).

And now for something completely different – a lighthearted march (Monty Python style, no less):

And some semi-related stuff to read: