Scrap Paper Poetry #4: We Proudly Serve the Starbucks Overlords

Starbucks Sleeve Poetry Ramblings

It takes a customer asinine

To get 12 oz. of coffee for 4.89.

But we do it anyway

Because we really are stupid, okay?

So just get back to your overpriced joe

And let the StarBorg through you flow.


WE PROUDLY SERVE
the manufactured addiction to overpriced food and drink
and the creation of a uniform “gathering place”
around the world for people to sit on their laptops “socializing.”

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Speed Dating: Campus Clubs Version

Spread across the lovely Park Blocks in the heart of campus, white tents line the mossy walkways. The rain and the monocloud have decided to skip this part of town (for the time being), leaving us with a glorious day to mingle amongst our fellow academic compadres. The enthusiasm is electric. And it helps to having a rocking live band in the middle of it all.

“Come row with the dragonboat team!”

“Spin the campus housing wheel for some swag!”

“Here, have a frisbee.”

And the two words that college students love more than “bongs” and “beer”: “FREE FOOD!”

I love the Party in the Park that happens during the first week of the fall term each year. While I already have a fairly full-ish plate with classes and a new job, I can’t help checking out what the campus has to offer in terms of stuff that doesn’t include being holed up in the library for three hours. You know, social stuff. It’s all so exciting. All these different groups of people with the common interest of wanting to get together and have a good time. Students flit from table to table, where current club members tell us all about how great and wonderful and fun their club is and why you should join and before you know it, you feel like there was a connection and you give them your name…

What inevitably happens, though, is I sign up for twenty different and equally tantalizing clubs and then maybe show up to two meetings – maybe three. Same thing every year and I know it’s going to happen just like that, and yet, the pattern continues. Why?

Could it be from a deep, inner longing to be a part of something – to belong? All these people in all these groups, these mini-tribes- can I be a part of it, too? Will you be my friend? Or will you reject me, like I absolutely positively irrationally know you will…

Ahem, excuse me, my fingers must have slipped on the keyboard.

What I’m getting at is that… Well, I don’t have a single, solid point. So let’s bullet point this bitch:

  • Everyone should join some sort of club, especially if you’re new to the school – spending your whole day studying won’t help you reach fulfillment, Poindexter
  • Or at the very least, have a friend – or if that’s overreaching, just an acquaintance – to small talk with once in a while [Even a small talk curmudgeon like me enjoys some light conversation with someone once in a while]
  • I miss being a part of student government [Sometimes. And then I remember why it’s ultimately unhealthy for me, but that’s a topic for a separate post]
  • Macadamia nut cookies are the bomb
  • No matter how antisocial a person like me seems, I still love people [Really, I honest-to-goodness do, but don’t tell anyone]

All in all, the world is beautiful, people are awesome, school is… school, and the meaning of life is still 42.

What clubs are you in or have you been in? Any interesting experiences? What is the importance of clubs and other social gatherings to you? 

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Word Game: “Springing Up on a Wednesday”

Rhymes, riddles, Scrabble, Green Glass Door… Who doesn’t like a good word game?

Here’s a word game for everyone who enjoys all of the above. Good for passing the time, whilst working the Broca gears in that sharp noggin of yours (and whoever you’re going up against).

Think Pink - Stressing Out College

Players: It requires at least two people to play.

Time limit: Usually it’s just however long it takes for the person to guess the answer, but you can add a time limit if you folks are up to it.

Rules:

Think of a two-part phrase, where one part rhymes with the other part.

Let’s pick “cattle battle.”

Inform your opponent(s) how many syllables your phrase has by following the “Think Pink” formula:

1 syllable per part = Think Pink

2 syllables per part = Thinky Pinky

3 syllables per part = Thinkity Pinkity

4 syllables per part = Thinkiditty Pinkiditty

etc.

For “cattle battle,” you would tell your opponent(s) that you are thinking of a “Thinky Pinky.”

Finally, give them a creative clue for them to figure out what your phrase is.

(“Cattle battle”): A violent altercation among bovine.

And there you have it. Really dig deep into those creativity centers for your clues. Make them obscure, make them funny, make them long-winded – but keep them fair. Be creative with both the clues and the Think Pinks.

Can you figure out the “Think Pink” that I’ve put in this post? Check out the title of the post for the clue. The first person to guess it will get a feature on this blog in an upcoming post!

Get it, got it, good? Can you think of some Think Pinks for us to figure out? Post them in the comments or even post them on your blog. (And link back to this post for the rules). Share in the nerdtastic wordgasm!

Mr. DeMille, I’m Ready for My Close-up [Goddammit, Not That Close]

It’s week 9 here of spring term. Just two weeks from finals. And like all my fellow college students at the end of their rope, I’m… well, at the end of my rope.

Yep, all creativity has been sucked from my little Asian soul. [I have no idea what being Asian has to do with my soul.]

Anywho, because I’m lazy and feeling uncreative, but have the urge to write and come back to you, my lovely lovely readers – and not to mention, I need some kind of pick-me-up that doesn’t involve caffeine or re-runs of Parks and Recreation – this has become a run-on sentence.

Awards! People like me! Yippee, my existence has been validated!

Over the past couple months, I’ve been nominated for a few different awards. Not wanting to annoyingly post about each one of them separately, I decided to bundle them up into one awesome post [a.k.a. This post]. All right, let’s all crack our knuckles and limber up for some major self-indulgence (in the new technicolor chronological order)!

First up is the beautiful and talented Si02, who bestowed upon me the Versatile Blogger Award. And recently, the Cabbage Patch rocker plainawkwardgirl decided I was versatile as well.

Nextly is the mentally scintillating DrFrood with the Liebster Award. [Say it in an uber-exaggerated German-ish accent: “Das Leeebshtuh Avort”.]

Award numero tres is from the delightfully awkward blogger Project Southsea with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Who knew 500 mg doses of sarcasm and a daily cup of stress could be so inspiring?

And lastly, oh-so-not-leastly is the supersaccharine misssamanthajill with – here’s a cute one – The Super Sweet Blogger Award. It’s amazing how supportive bloggers can be of their blogging community. I’ve never been sweet in my life. If you mean I’m like, totally sweet, dude brah, you’d probably be more accurate. Not that I’m criticizing your judgment of my character. I totes appreciate this.

Here are the rules for each one:

Versatile Blogger Award

Versatile Blogger Award Logo

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

Liebster Award

Liebster Award Logo

1. The Liebster Award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
2. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
3. Each blogger should answer the 11 questions given to you.
4. Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
5. Create 11 new questions for the chosen bloggers.
6. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
7. No tag backs.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

1. Display the award logo.
2. Link back to the person who gave you this award nomination.
3. State seven pieces of information about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers, post links to their page and drop them a comment to let them know.

Super Sweet Blogger Award

Super Sweet Blogger Award Logo

1. Thank the Super Sweet Blogger that nominated them
2. Answer five super sweet questions and five of your own
3. Include the Super Sweet Blogging award image in your blog post
4. Nominate a baker’s dozen (13) other bloggers
5. Notify your nominees on their blog

Now that we’ve gotten the crapload of different rules down, let’s get to the nitty gritty. Since, as I’ve told you before, I’m lazy and not out of my mind (yet), I’m not going to be state a bajillion things about myself nor am I going to nominate a bajillion people. Five each, that’s all I have energy and the attention span for.

Nominees (in no particular order):

To the nominees, pick any award you’d like. You deserve any and all of them. Pick one and pass it on according to the rules. I don’t mind which one you pick, just join in the fun and give it to your fellow awesome bloggers. Or don’t. It’s all the same to me. Hey, and if you’re passing by this post and feel like picking up an award – because you, too, deserve it – feel free to snatch one. I’m not the awards police. It doesn’t matter. Grab an award, follow the instructions, and pass it on! (Or don’t. It’s all the same to me.)

5 Things You Didn’t Know You Wanted to Know About S.O.S.

  1. I have a cat named Cat-Cat.
  2. My pinkie toes are a little funny. As in they’re little and funny.
  3. I like striped shirts. And cardigan sweaters. Professorial hipster coming through. [Edit: Wait, what the eff do striped shirts have to do with being hipster? Whatever, too tired to change it.]
  4. I know all the lyrics from the musical The Phantom of the Opera. [Not really, just the main numbers].
  5. Because I have a flat Asian nose, I can do this thing where I can block air coming into my nose by upturning my upper lip. It’s hella attractive, yo. [Really though, it’s super helpful when swimming and not getting water all up in my nostrils.]

Oh, and I Guess I Have To Ask Questions, Too

  1. Paper or plastic?
  2. Hobbes or Rousseau?
  3. What’s the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  4. To Snuggie or not to Snuggie?
  5. And, er… what’s your favorite day of the year?

And that’s a wrap! Thanks again to the wonderful bloggers who nominated me for these awards – it truly warms my heart to know that there are those out there who do like this blog. Check out all the bloggers linked in this post. They’re sweet, inspiring, versatile, and liebster-ly. And you there Dear Reader, take one, pass it on – it’s as easy as one, dos, trois!

Knitting Circles: What the Hell?

I’m sitting at a Starbucks on an average day in the Pacific Northwest, waiting for my next class to start. The ominous monocloud has returned, looming over the plaza. I’m wigging out and it has nothing to do with the weather. This is normal meteorological phenomena. It’ll probably be cloudless and sunny tomorrow.

The real reason why I’m wigging out is because of them.

There’s a knitting club seated in the comfy chairs across from and around me. They’re knitting (indeed) and chattering and laughing and just being loud. To be honest, they’re not that much louder than the surrounding din of Starbuckers, but something about these women are inordinately grinding my gears.

What is it?

I’m still trying to figure it out.

On one level, they remind me of the suburban housewife-y lifestyle that I am trying to dodge for my future. The idea of spending the rest of my life flitting from mundane activity to mundane activity terrifies me. That’s not a joke. Living in the suburbs attending to a breadwinning hubby and 2.06 children, while going to mommy clubs ain’t this gal’s idea of a happily ever after. (Not that this girl believes in “happily ever afters,” but excuse my jadedness.) Back to the knitters – they were irritating the hell out of me. Can’t a girl read in peace at a busy metropolitan Starbucks? I mean, really.

However! Yes, there is a “however” to this tale.

The true reason why this little social gathering was bothering me so much – this took me a while to see – was because they were just that: social. Flabbergasted, my conscious mind huffed and puffed up her chest. What? What does that mean?

Subconscious: It means you’re a social retard.

Conscious: Hey, that ain’t very PC to say. And all right, I may be relatively introverted, but I can hold my own in social situations.

Subconscious: But when was the last time you voluntarily attended one of these so-called “social situations”? Sitting around in the student government office eavesdropping on people doesn’t count.

Conscious: *sputters* Well, I never… There was that one time with the people at the place… with the stuff…

Subconscious: Admit it. You’re socially retarded.

Conscious: I am not. I’m fine just the way I am.

Subconscious: I didn’t say you weren’t fine. You’re just socially inept. You’re uncomfortable with socializing and pretend to be above all that small-talk-chitter-chatter. It’s a defense mechanism. Stop being in denial.

Conscious: I am not in denial!

Subconscious: …

Conscious: That’s not fair.

Subconscious: Admit it. And then write a blog post about it.

Conscious: Screw you.

Subconscious: And stop pretending that guy sitting off to the side in the green and grey argyle isn’t cute.

Conscious: Goddammit, you’re right. I- Hey! Stop it!

The main point is that I’ve come to realize the reason why I disdain many social gatherings is because I feel left out. It’s not even that people around me don’t like me (for the most part). A lot of the time, it’s just me sabotaging myself, making excuses about why I can’t or shouldn’t participate. The irritation I feel when I witness events like knitting circles is not superiority – it’s inferiority. The pride in being lonely and supposedly self-sufficient is nothing more than a defense mechanism. Instead of fixing my loneliness by reaching out and being social, I’ve developed a way of shrinking back into myself and shunning everyone else. It’s like being the fox in the Aesop’s fable of the sour grapes. I can’t reach the grapes, so they must be sour and bad anyway.

But what’s so sour about them? The knitting circle is a group of women, who come together to chat and unite in something they all enjoy doing. What’s so wrong with that? Nothing. It’s perfectly fine. It should be refreshing to see hints of communal interaction in our society of individualism and solitude. Isn’t it funny how we’ve been virtually trained to laugh at super nerd herds [see: Big Bang Theory] and appraise the self-serving, self-made man [see: any top dog CEO]? Community is community – barring hate groups (I’m lookin’ at you Westboro Baptist Church) – and we need to encourage people to band together, not disparage it. This is something I’m slowly, but surely working on.

We need to stop yucking their yums and get over ourselves:

What yums do you yuck? What yums of yours do other people yuck? Are you more of a social butterfly or a reclusive hermit crab? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!